When I cam back from France I was riding a wave of high energy.  The weather was so much better – so much dryer. Even though it rained part of the time, the atmosphere was less damp.  What an incredible difference it makes to how I feel.  I even took a few short walks!  Walks people!  I don’t take walks except a stumble from room to room in my house these days.  But in France I walked – for more than a few feet at at time!  That alone had me feeling like I could take on the world.  So when I came back I knew that it would be hard, I knew that I would have a post-holiday come down.  But I felt so good that I made a point to keep riding the wave of optimism and energy that I caught down there.  And for the first week or so I was able to keep it up.  I worked in the back garden, I worked in our allotment doing things I wouldn’t have believed I did if I didn’t know I did.  We had a party at our house over the May Bank Holiday weekend and I trotted around the place with only my walking stick and the occasional wobble.  Everyone said how good I looked, how great it was to see me up and about.  I agreed – I felt great! I celebrated what felt like a new beginning to something fantastic and exciting.

And then I crashed.  Hard.

In the weeks since I crashed it has been a struggle once more between my will and my body.  My will is intense and strong, and it is not at all pleased that my body is once again calling the shots, and the directive is: stay put and do nothing.  Not pleased at all.  So I pushed with all my might and in my best little engine voice cheered myself on as I struggled to get out of bed and do something – anything- to prove that I was not losing this battle.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  I got back out to the allotment and dug in the dirt.  I sowed seeds and planted starts in their new beds.  Inspiration and visions came to me while I worked.  It was incredible and I felt that finally I knew how to live with this illness, that I had found that something I was looking for that would push me —-through—- the pain and into life.

But then I crashed. Even harder.

I didn’t get up this time.  I tried.  I got as far as the kitchen where I realized that making my breakfast -at 11:30 – was all that I could handle.  Even that was overwhelming. I ate and needed to go back to bed for a rest. By 1:00 I was flat out fast asleep.  Woke up at 5:00 (yes, that is a 4 hour nap) only to eat and crawl back in bed where I fooled myself into feeling like I did something by putzing around the internet. And so it has been for the past week.  Me sleeping late, doing nothing, and sleeping some more.  My body aches and screams when I push it each time I climb the stairs.  My own personal Everest those stairs are.  But no one is cheering when I get to the top.  Just me, letting out an exhale of relief that it’s only flat ground until I reach my bed.

This is a downer of a post.  I know, and I apologize.  It’s posts like these which I avoided writing for so many months while I have been neglecting this blog.  I promise I won’t write too many of them.  I do believe that I have found that special thing that is needed to keep me going forward and living with this illness, living with this body and not fighting against it.  Part of that is being honest though. Honest about my joy, about my struggles and honest about my victories as well as my failures.  They are all important. They are all me.  They are all divine and they all keep me crafty – looking for a new way to do things, creating a life worth talking about.  Even if I am just talking to myself.

Marche’ Saint Pierre – 6 floors packed with fabric.  Need I say more?

My daughter displaying my rapidly growing stack of payment tags for my purchases – as I am intently wheeling myself and amassing my booty.  Good thing I left room in my suitcase to bring it all home in!

He loves me, but fabric shopping is not his idea of fun.

I on the other hand was in heaven!  (Yep – that is my new avatar.)  Paris fabric shopping induced bliss!

I will be blogging over at Beneath Our Feet with more pictures of our travels in France, so be sure to stop by there and check for updates.  After we left Paris we went to the Rhone Alps region where we are hoping to launch our dream venture from.  More on what that dream is later…

I know there are a few of you who stop by in hopes of finding something new, only to leave shaking your head in dissappointment.  I appreciate your loyalty and want you to know that I hear your knocking and I am not ignoring you.  It is just that I get distracted on the way to answer the door.  Countless times a day I think to myself “I should blog about this.”  only to be squashed by the giant killjoy in my head that says “Not now, do it later. And only if you can make it really interesting.  Which it won’t be.  So don’t bother.”  Either that or the trickster will fool me into thinking I am too busy to stop and write.  Because refreshing facebook again to see what my friends’ Top 5 Favorite Pickle Flavors are is top priority, you know.

I don’t really have anything in particular to write about today, but since I have been trying to get my twitter list going and realized that I had linked this site from my twitter that I should either get things going again or consider abandoning it all together.  Not being able to stomach the thought of abandoning it all together I am here now – babbling about nothing.  Hoping that this little babble will turn into more babble and that more babble will be able to silence (or at least babble louder than) the ‘voices’ (don’t worry, they aren’t real.  Not all of them anyway. ;)  )  and maybe even I might start writing for real again.

What I do know is that I will never post a “I’m back” post again because doing so is a guaranteed assurance that I will not actually resume posting.  So let this be my first official “I’m not back” post.  If I prove myself wrong by actually writing then hooray for me and reverse psychology.  If I don’t, well then – I told you so.  I’m not back.

Let me know if and of you are inspired to give it a try and be sure to pass the word on!

I brought along some knitting to do and so far I have not even cast on yet.  I really need to get working on it as it is my part of a trade.  Hopefully I will have some quiet time in the next day or two and be able to get it going.  If not, then it will be this time next week before I get to it.  Luckily we are here for a whole month so I have some time.

Until later – hopefully with some progress on my holiday project to report – Happy July!

With that lets get to the business at hand – The giving of awards!

This is my first actual passing on of an award. I did get one before, but it was during a time that my posting was less frequent. Which is a round about way of saying I blew it off. Bad blogger that I am. However, in an effort to be better at showing my appreciation to both those who read my blog and to those who’s blogs I read for being a part of my day – I am going to participate in this one.

I mentioned yesterday that Barb at Craft Therapy was one of my latest discoveries. We found each other through EntreCard and I quickly added her to my daily blog reader. Last week she gave me the “The “Arte y Pico” award, which I was very flattered to receive. Thank you, Barb!

“The “Arte y Pico” award was created and to be given to bloggers who inspire others with their creative energy and their talents, whether it be writing, artwork in all media’s. When you receive this award it is considered a “special honor”. Once you have received this award, you are to pass it on to at least 5 others.”

Here are my five Divine Picks for the Arte y Pico award:

The first goes to the blogger who gave me my first award that I flaked on giving a proper shout out to. Jo at Mom Of Heathens is more than just another name in the blogosphere to me. We have been online together for several years at a couple communities and this past February, she opened her home to me on my healing journey to New Mexico. Jo is like no other out there. I won’t even try to describe her – go see for yourself. You will fall in love like I did.

The “other” Katie, The Wool Food Mama, is next on my list. Another crafty mama that I have been online with for several years. (Yes, I have a slight addiction to the internet. This is not news.) I am honored to share both a name and an obsession with wool with Katie. Her stuff is cuter than I could dream of making myself. She just posted some new insanely cute offerings on her blog. I am coveting the nesting dolls. Katie is a deep thinking, down to earth, and very talented mama. And she has chickens, which just make her even cooler in my book.

Keeping with my theme of great women I have been privileged to share the web with, I would like to give the nod to Danielle, at Princess Nimble-Thimble. Danielle is a fellow crafty mama with Fibromyalgia. She has really been kicking the fibro’s behind this past year too. She gives me hope that there is a way out of this somehow. She has been a crafty idol of mine for many years, and I am sure you will see why. Take some time to look at her work.

Cinders is also one of my choices today. I found Cinders through Ravelry in a fibromyalgia knitters group. It’s a great group of knitters who share a common bond and support in the illness we have all been so lucky to draw out of the hat. She has recently entered the wonderful world of selling her lovely hand painted yarns in an etsy shop. She out shines me in the productive with fibro department – I am in awe of how active she remains and as a newbie over here in the UK, Cinders is great for me to find out if I’m on track with all things fibro related over here.

Val at Hobbies of a Domestic Goddess is my final pick today. Val and I go back to when I lived in her corner of the US. We also met through an online community. The same one that I met Jo,Katie,and Danielle through in fact. There have been many good relationships to come out of that particular community. Val is a creative and committed lover of all things about gardening, homeschooling, and making of yummy healthy food. You will want a cup of tea and some time when you go see Val. She has loads of interesting stuff and beautiful pictures on her blog.

I want to say thanks, again, to Barb at Craft Therapy for giving me this award and the chance to share a little bit of love with a few of my favorite people on the web.

Now, I am outta here. I have got so much to do and the time is rapidly going by. I will try to get in at least one more post before we go, but if I don’t then look for me to post at some point during my travels. See you then!

It was with great amusement that I found myself making this yesterday. Because I needed it. Now.

I made it to go with this dress:

Which by itself is a great idea and it will look stunning. But when you consider that I have had the dress for 2 years (though it didn’t fit properly until recently since I have lost weight) and I have had the beads for nearly a year, the folly of it becomes apparent. It wasn’t until I was struck once more with a bout of pre-holiday making madness that made to order jewelry became an imperative. It is oddly reassuring that everything is right on track, and despite being far from where I had hoped to be physically for this trip my old habits and routines have survived in tact. I am thankful that I have creative outlets for diffusing stress and energy. I know I should probably be trying to be more still and reserving my energies for the upcoming journey, but truthfully I think if I were to try and sit still I would waste way more effort fighting the urge to be active than I would just surrendering to it.

The big blue beads were brought back last year by a friend from her summer in India. She gave me a beautiful silk bag filled with gorgeous glass and stone beads. The small pink and green beads were purchased on our trip to Barcelona last year. I love the idea that I took beads from other travels and used them to make something to wear in a time of traveling.

Tomorrow I am going to be doing some long over due showering of love to some of my most recent finds and favorites in the web world these days. I’ve made some great new discoveries, like Barb over at Craft Therapy, who is not only a fellow crafter but is after my heart with a blog by that name! She gave me an award last week and its my time to give some of my own out. So be sure to stop by tomorrow when I share some Divinely Crafty Finds!

I don’t usually do this, but today I am posting the same thing on both of my blogs. (For those of you who haven’t been over to see it, I blog about my family’s adventures at Beneath Our Feet.  I invite you to  have a look around and see what we have been up to. ) I was so moved by the beauty of these apple blossoms this weekend that I had to share them with all  my readers.

I haven’t been to the new orchard in a very long time (It may have been as long ago as during the last harvest unless there is a gap in my memory.) So yesterday was a real treat when I finally managed to get over there to see all the pear trees that Axel and his crew have been busy planting. All 7,500 of them. In three days. I kid you not. Did I mention how hard he’s been working?

While I was there I noticed that some of the apple trees that were recently planted were still in bloom. I was very happy to see this since I missed the primary explosion of blossoms in early May. One row of these trees in particular caught my eye. The color of the blossoms is a deep vibrant, almost on the verge of purple. I had never seen such a color in apple blossoms, most of which are a white with hints of pink. I asked Axel what variety it was and he could not remember exactly, but said that it was either sunlight or moonlight but that he would have to check his list to be sure. They planted a few new varieties to test this year. I also learned that not only are the flowers an unusual color but the flesh of the apples they produce will also be unusual. They will be red inside as well as outside! I don’t know much about this type of apple, but from what I gather its a rare variety that they are introducing back into the market. I can’t wait to get a look and a taste of them.

I had brought my camera along (double checking that I had my memory card) in hopes of getting a good picture of the new pear trees, which as it turns out don’t make much of a photo right now. Maybe once they take root and start getting leaves. So much to my delight I was able to take some pictures of these gorgeous blossoms and even managed to get some snaps of a bee busy doing it’s part to help with the apple growing business.

Here are a couple more shots. I could sit and look at these flowers all day. They are so beautiful, and exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.

And so the search began. Pages and pages of lovely creations passed my eyes. A cup of tea, some rice cakes with almond butter, and a cup of coffee later I had looked at hundreds of pieces of jewelry, but nothing was jumping out at me as being the perfect piece. And anyone who has ever bought something for a 16 year old with very specific style and taste knows – it needs to be perfect. Especially when prom is involved! So onward I went, click by click, forging on in my quest. Then I found this seller. Brought to her page by one piece, I was drawn in looking at all the wonderful offerings in her shop. Such lovely work! And better still, I found at last a piece that I thought just might be what I was looking for. And bonus – she stated in the listing that she could make matching earrings. oooooo – I was intrigued. So I convo’d her (that’s etsy speak for I sent her a message) and asked what the cost of the matching earrings would be and if perhaps she could make a bracelet as well. I figured hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask, and a complete set would be great. She replied back – very fast – with a very reasonable price for the set and able to accommodate my time frame. (Yes, I procrastinate. A lot. ) After giving it some more thought, and spending time looking at my daughters dress, I had concerns if the color of the pearls would be to stark for my daughter’s dress, so I convo’d her back about this and a few other things, fearful that I was close to crossing over to potentially irritating buyer who asks a gazillion nit-picky questions territory. Again, she replied very quickly, giving me her honest opinion and making mention of some other colors that she had available. All whilst reassuring me that my questions were no bother and better to be safe than sorry when shopping online. How true that is!

When my daughter came home that evening, I eagerly showed her my discovery. (No way am I going to try and surprise her and risk her hating it!) She was pleased, but not as thrilled as I had hoped. So we talked. And we considered what it was that she didn’t like, and what she would want to change in order for it to be perfect. Eventually, after much imagining and discussing we had come up with exactly what it is that she would like. I sent another convo to the seller, asking her if she could make what was now a fully custom set and what the cost would be. True to form, she replied without delay, happy to make it exactly as we wished and at a price that was unbeatable. She would get started immediately and ship it the next day. My daughter and I both went to bed dreaming of the lovely custom made set that would be arriving at our home.

Today I received another convo from the seller with a picture of the set. If I was eager before, I am twice as much so now. And my daughter is beyond thrilled. It is indeed perfect – better than even we had imagined when creating it in our minds!

I hope that the seller – BeadsByEvelyn – doesn’t mind me posting a picture of the set that she sent me. It is just too beautiful not to share. She assured me that it this is a quick photo that doesn’t do it justice, but even so, the beauty of it is breathtaking. I can’t wait to see it up close and personal.

Made of Swarovski pearls and crystals in white,almond,peach, and bronze.

For reference this is the dress that it will be worn with.

The set is matched perfectly to compliment the dress and will be even more stunning with my daughters rich ginger/brown hair. I can’t wait to see them on her, in her lovely dress with her hair done up, ready for what will undoubtedly be a magical night.

We got notice that we had to move out of our house while I was in the US in March. Blech. I hate moving. Thankfully we were able to sort that all out and as of Monday we are now in a new home. I like the new house better actually, which is good because it makes up for the hideous stress of moving. Better layout of the space (even though it is actually less square meters than the old place) and a phenomenally better garden space. Photos to follow soon. Hard wood wide plank floors vs. carpet, 2 fireplaces (1 in the sitting room, 1 in the dining room – typical old English house. Both fireplaces have outlets upstairs that will heat up there as well. Very cool.) The house is on the same footpath that the old house was, but up a higher embankment so now people strolling and riding down the path can’t see up into my bedroom. (My apologies to my loyal perv fans who had become accustomed to my nightly changing of clothes. Perhaps the old lady who is moving into our old house will take up where I left off.) And instead of the cows in the field behind us we have horses. That one’s a wash. I think I will miss the cows sweet moo’ing. Of course it wasn’t so sweet at 3am so maybe it is for the better.

So…we moved.

I have been working on my felt for the exhibit/sale that is in a couple weeks. I have nowhere near as much done as I would like to so the next week or so is going to be one helluva felting marathon around here. I will post pictures when its all done. What I have done so far is really great and I am eager to show you all, but it will have to wait. Hopefully there will be some more awesome pieces to add to what I have now.

Another biggie. Maybe even the biggest for me personally. I finished up my certification work for my Birthing From Within mentoring. Its now off for review and hopefully approval, and then I can proudly call myself a certified mentor. This is huge for me. Huge. In so many ways. I spent the last 2 weeks of April glued to my computer compiling 4 years of study and practice into a neat little package. Very intense. I feel such an immense sense of accomplisment having done this. It opens so much for on so many levels. More on this to come, you can be certain of that!

Last week we went to Spain to see some property we had been considering to purchase. Unfortunately we did not find it to be what we have in mind for our long term plans, but it was a very informative and productive trip. Again…more on this later, including photos. Sorry to repeat that line, but I told you this would be a lame update.

Not to be shadowed by any of the many other things that have been keeping me away from the ol’ blog–sphere…the work of everyday life as a mum of 3, and wife. A full time job in itself. The kids are all growing so fast and leading quite busy lives of their own. Dylan is finishing her GCSEs so it is exam stress time for her. She has really rallied herself and is doing wonderful work. I am so proud of her. Kiah gave a stunning vocal performance at school a couple weeks ago. That girl has some chops! Watch out for her name in lights! Anja is a busy social butterfly. At age 6 that girl has a fuller social calender than I ever have. And she is growing like a weed. I swear she wakes up taller every day. Insane.

So thats it from here. It will probably be another couple weeks before I get much more of an update on here. But you never know. At least you know that I have not actually fallen off the face of the earth… just have been busy living on it.

ciao for now!