Divinely Crafty

Yesterday I started a new job. Not the one I at the hospital – the interview for that is on Thursday. My new job is a temporary seasonal one. I am picking apples at an organic apple farm. And I love it. Outside, breathing in fresh air, no neon lights, no computer screen. Just wonderful. Great people to work for, great people to work with, and the occasional snitching of a yummmmmmmy organic apple fresh off the tree.

I will still interview for the other job, and keep interviewing until I get a permanent position. Apple harvest is only 3 weeks max, so this good thing will come to an eventual end. But until it does, its apples apples apples for me.

It ain’t all bad. I got a nice long nap today and that is always good.

Yesterday I received a big packet from the local hospital where I had applied for a job several weeks ago. I applied for lots of jobs all over town and not heard back from any but one to tell me they filled the position before they received my CV. That was nice. (seriously – most people just circular file you.) Well this packet is because I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW! It is ‘just’ for a medical sercretary job, and I doubt I will get it, but getting an interview is no small accomplishment. Especially with my double whammy of no employment references in this country and the ones I do have in the US are 7 years old. So hooray for me! I don’t really want a regular job, but I know I cannot rely on my class income and I am still unsure if I will be able to work out the logistics of doula work very soon. So getting a job would be a nice breather in the money department. Wish me luck – at very least it will be an interesting experience to have an interview. Oh crap… I need clothes!

Today though, I got the best news of all. I found a place to hold my classes!!! And it is in my first choice of locations. I was discouraged yesterday because I had not heard back from them so I went to check out my second choice space. It was okay, but unfortunately it was also totally booked. Why they didn’t just tell me that on the phone I don’t know. I got a long list of other possibile locations (from the kick ass resource center at the library) and resigned myself to a disappointing series of phone calls. Finding space for my classes has always been one of my big road blocks. Then today my first choice place calls. It turns out the guy had been in the hospital and seems to remember replying to my email (though he couldn’t be sure and I never received it if he did.) and YES they have space! :::happy dance!::: And to make it even better, he told me that I could probably talk him down on the price of the room, so I am going in Monday to discuss it. :::skippy skippy happy:::

This means now I can begin to publicize my classes and get moving forward again. Part of my problem these past few days has been becuase I have felt like such a sloth. Axel is out at school learning new things, meeting new people and me… well… I made lunch a few times, washed an assload of laundry and broke up countless fights between the children. But now I get to DO something. (Not to say that being a mom and all that is not doing something – but you know what I mean… )

I just want the wine.

Actually, what I want is to run for the hills and hide for a few days. But since I can’t do that, I will settle for a nice full-bodied red.

If I had a uterus, I would be bleeding now. But I don’t, so more than ever before, it is all in my head. I know it isn’t true but it sure seems like it. I can’t look down to my pants and see that comforting spot of red that tells me to hold on, this will pass. My daughters are bleeding. They see the start and can look forward to the end. I should be bleeding. But instead I just cry.

Poop. I am feeling really whiney the past few days. Of course my mood nicely coincides with my cycle, so I am trying my best to ‘just notice’ my feelings and not get too wrapped up in them. It definately helps, but it isn’t by any means a pancea.

Last night it really hit me hard. I am lonely. Bored and lonely. Our boxes have not arrived yet so I am going absolutely nuts not being able to sew, or knit, or felt. I miss my toys! waaaahhhhhh!!!! And I miss my friends. I have the greatest friends, and I knew I would miss them, but this really sucks. Looking at pictures of our farewell party made me cry. I miss Tina so much it hurts. And Jennifer, and her lovely kids. I miss Lynn and Anhata and shooting the shit at knitting circle. I miss Dan and Nick and Nezzie…. I miss everyone so damn much. I know, I know…duh, right? I mean I did move out of the country, leaving everyone and everything that I hold dear. Yeah, that is smart.

Last night as I was playing the millionth game of Crazy 8’s this week with Anja (now that we are TV free, Anja is honing her card shark skills) I broke down crying. It was all just too much. I go from wishing everyone in the house would disappear so I could get some space (we live in the tiniest of tiny flats) and solitude, but more than anything I wanted to escape to Tina’s house. My refuge and source of sanity is an ocean and a continent away.

Now lest you worry, it is important to say that things are not entirely bleak. It really is mostly my lovely PMS kicking in that has me in such a funk. It is like clockwork. Just the week before I was feeling very optimistic and inspired. I still am. I do have a good friend in London so if I really want to, I just have to hop a train. There is a great community through Emerson that we are excited to get more involved with as the year gets into swing. Its just a slow start. We have only been here for less than 8 weeks after all.

But still…. I miss everyone. A whole bunch.