In my many attempts to find peace, if not relief from the pain and fatigue that comes with having fibromyalgia I have started doing some self hypnosis. I started out with a little bit of general relaxation and motivation boosting with an audio recording I downloaded for my ipod. I did this in total secrecy. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was trying for fear of yet another dissapointment. It is hard enough to be let down myself, but seeing hope being dashed in those closest to me is what is truly devastating. So each day after the house was empty from the morning rush around and everyone was off doing their day, off to my room I would go – ipod in hand and earphones in place – for my secret journey into hypnosis. After a few days I began to think that maybe I might be onto something. I felt more grounded and calm than I have in such a long time. I have always done the “stop, pause, breath deeply” method of handling stress and feeling overwhelmed, with I admit, less than effective results. But with the hypnosis something has changed. My breath began to feel more complete, more relaxing, more free. It sounds strange, but until now it has been almost like my deep breathing was forced and even stressful in its own way. But its different now.
With my small but exciting shift that has come from the hypnosis, I decided to “confess” to my husband about what I was doing and branch out into seeing if maybe this hypnosis stuff could help me with my sleep. Trying anything for sleep is terrifying to me. I have tried it all – herbs, sleeping tablets, breathing, meditation, relaxation tapes…. all of it. I have been able to get to sleep but staying asleep has never been achieved. Part of the fibromyalgia profile is that you don’t go into the restorative sleep that happens after dream sleep. For me, I would occasionally get deep enough to have a dream (on sleeping tablets or herbs – very rarely on my own) but would wake up and have to start all over again. It was not unusual to have a night when I would see every hour on the clock. With the average of 20 minutes to get back to sleep it doesn’t take a genious to figure out I was not getting enough sleep period, nevermind good quality sleep. Daring to hope that hypnosis might help was scary. I wasn’t sure I could take another let down if it didn’t work. Yet with the small but significant success with the other hypnosis I decided to give it a go.
The first night – nothing was very different. I tried not to be too discouraged, and kept on with it. Within a few nights I realized one morning that I could not recall waking up the night before. hmmm…..veddy interesting…. A few more nights and yes – there was definate change. Again, very subtle but encouraging. I told my husband one day in a whispered hush (for fear that saying it aloud would jinx it) that I think I slept the night before. I felt like a kid telling their confidant that they got away with stealing a cookie. A guilty pleasurable secret. Though I was still not fully convinced. I didn’t do my hypnosis a couple of nights this week for one reason or another and I was delighted to find that I was MISERABLE the next day. Never has feeling like such crap been so joyful. It seemed like I may have been proving my success by showing how different it was to skip it.
Last night I went back to the sleep hypnosis before bed. I drifted off quickly but awoke when Axel came home from a night at the pub with friends. I managed to get back to sleep easily enough and next thing I know………..its morning!!! And I feel freakin’ FABULOUS! There is this incredible energy flowing up my spine and I feel like there is a spark in my step. I got sleep. Good sleep. Not just pass out from exhaustion sleep, but fill up the tank sleep. The greatest gift ever.
Only time will tell if this experiment in hypnosis will have lasting effect, but for today I am so hopeful. The hypnosis is part of a 3-fold strategy towards healing that I have been brewing in my head. The other 2 are yet to be tested and I will not reveal what they are until I have done my trial with them. I am going very slowly and introducing one at a time, measuring change with each one before I go on to the next. I have spent so many years seeking out answers from experts and not listening to the most expert of experts on what will help me – ME. silly me.
Tags: coping, fibromyalgia, hypnosis, sleep
