Divinely Crafty

Wow, didn’t realize that I had any readers that would give it a second thought if I were not to post. Thanks for thinking of me! :)

Anyway, I am still here. Stepping along, one foot at a time. There have been some extremely challenging times lately. But in it all we are finding a deeper sense of peace than we have had in a long time.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer. The first holiday season that I am 6000 miles away from home, and was looking forward to not having to make silly excuses why I couldn’t come to visit her and just having my family – husband and children and me – in our new home. Turns out that I really would have liked to have been able to visit her in the past 6 weeks. But I couldn’t, since I am 6000 miles away and flat ass broke. Sort of ironic though that the first christmas that SHE really could have use ME I wasn’t there. Seeing as how last year after I had my hysterectomy during the holidays she was only able to find time to drop off a bananna bread she found when she was cleaning out the freezer. All of 10 minutes she gave me during my recovery. She was only 2 miles away, but may as well have been 6000.

Who me, conflicted with sorrow over my moms illness? Naaaaawwwwww (well maybe just a little.)

Despite all, our holiday has been a really cool one. Simple, waaay low key, and hardly any a tantrum or trauma all day. Given that we are 5 people sharing less than 600 square feet for the past 5 months, two of whom are teenage girls and one who is a 4 year old… I would say that was pretty fucking cool.

I will try to update more in the next few days and weeks ahead. It seems like things may be taking an interesting turn so there may be some stuff to talk about.

…or maybe not. Who really knows…

Yesterday I started a new job. Not the one I at the hospital – the interview for that is on Thursday. My new job is a temporary seasonal one. I am picking apples at an organic apple farm. And I love it. Outside, breathing in fresh air, no neon lights, no computer screen. Just wonderful. Great people to work for, great people to work with, and the occasional snitching of a yummmmmmmy organic apple fresh off the tree.

I will still interview for the other job, and keep interviewing until I get a permanent position. Apple harvest is only 3 weeks max, so this good thing will come to an eventual end. But until it does, its apples apples apples for me.

It ain’t all bad. I got a nice long nap today and that is always good.

Yesterday I received a big packet from the local hospital where I had applied for a job several weeks ago. I applied for lots of jobs all over town and not heard back from any but one to tell me they filled the position before they received my CV. That was nice. (seriously – most people just circular file you.) Well this packet is because I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW! It is ‘just’ for a medical sercretary job, and I doubt I will get it, but getting an interview is no small accomplishment. Especially with my double whammy of no employment references in this country and the ones I do have in the US are 7 years old. So hooray for me! I don’t really want a regular job, but I know I cannot rely on my class income and I am still unsure if I will be able to work out the logistics of doula work very soon. So getting a job would be a nice breather in the money department. Wish me luck – at very least it will be an interesting experience to have an interview. Oh crap… I need clothes!

Today though, I got the best news of all. I found a place to hold my classes!!! And it is in my first choice of locations. I was discouraged yesterday because I had not heard back from them so I went to check out my second choice space. It was okay, but unfortunately it was also totally booked. Why they didn’t just tell me that on the phone I don’t know. I got a long list of other possibile locations (from the kick ass resource center at the library) and resigned myself to a disappointing series of phone calls. Finding space for my classes has always been one of my big road blocks. Then today my first choice place calls. It turns out the guy had been in the hospital and seems to remember replying to my email (though he couldn’t be sure and I never received it if he did.) and YES they have space! :::happy dance!::: And to make it even better, he told me that I could probably talk him down on the price of the room, so I am going in Monday to discuss it. :::skippy skippy happy:::

This means now I can begin to publicize my classes and get moving forward again. Part of my problem these past few days has been becuase I have felt like such a sloth. Axel is out at school learning new things, meeting new people and me… well… I made lunch a few times, washed an assload of laundry and broke up countless fights between the children. But now I get to DO something. (Not to say that being a mom and all that is not doing something – but you know what I mean… )

I just want the wine.

Actually, what I want is to run for the hills and hide for a few days. But since I can’t do that, I will settle for a nice full-bodied red.

If I had a uterus, I would be bleeding now. But I don’t, so more than ever before, it is all in my head. I know it isn’t true but it sure seems like it. I can’t look down to my pants and see that comforting spot of red that tells me to hold on, this will pass. My daughters are bleeding. They see the start and can look forward to the end. I should be bleeding. But instead I just cry.