Jan 01 2008
A Simple Start
Instead of writing a nostalgic New Years post taking inventory of the times past, I decided yesterday that I would start the year with a post on New Years Day about making resolutions, improving ourselves and the idea that we must always be striving to make ourselves more of something. About how we pepper our moments of awareness with ‘shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’. I made a plan that this afternoon I would take time to sit and write a substantial and well thought out post. I even made a quick start last evening and jotted down some thoughts to build on in the post. I was determined to do things differently and get the year off to a good start. So you can imagine my disappointment when I woke up this morning to full blown pain flare and fog in my brain as thick as the fog rolling along the pastures out my bedroom window (which, for your reference, was dense and heavy as it often is on cold English mornings). My first course of action was to psych myself up in order to push through with whatever energy and will I could muster. I gave myself one heck of a pep talk. Starting the year off right and all that. Because I should.
I sat at my computer with inspiring music playing, pillows to support my sore back and settled in to just do it. And I couldn’t do it. My bones ached and my thoughts mushed around in my head. Not today. This is not the day on which I will write deep thoughts about anything. It is a day, nonetheless, that I have the opportunity do things differently than I have in the past. Instead of rebuking myself for not pushing through at any cost, or pitying myself for being at the mercy of the whims of fibromyalgia’s sufferings I am surrendering with strength and grace to that which is here now. And with strength I am writing this brief hello and then will retire to my bed where I will spend the rest of the day with a cup of tea and a few select choices on the BBC iPlayer.
Happy New Year to you all, and may it hold much creativity and coping. And may we find love for all that we are, even in the messes we make.
